(the chapters are coming fast and furious, dear readers) This chapter is by Chris Morley.
Unbeknownst to the hulking brute Julian, among the crowd were Professor William Tiney-Danglers, Victorian gentleman scientist, ornithologist and ( as his lady companion the Right Honourable Virginia Titts liked to joke, bird-watcher and word-botcher). He’d never understood the joke, but he was fond of her, and she of the old booby. They stood surveying the scene.
‘ Cripes’ he said. ‘ I haven’t seen a pair of lovebirds like that since our last expedition into the jungles of deepest Borneo. Remember, my dear, how we laughed after you spilt those samples of mine all over your best skirt?’.
‘ Down, Willie.’ she half-heartedly giggled. She did so hate it when he mentioned incidents like that in polite company, even if the samples he was referring to were perfectly innocent. Going by what they’d just witnessed, though, they were not.
‘ I don’t think those two are exactly enamoured of each other, going by all the screaming’.
Nobody else was paying much heed to the scene, but the Professor knew it was time to act.
‘ We must save the fair maiden!’ he cried. ‘ I shall hop on my bad foot, and do a good thing’, he said, limping slightly.
‘ But how, my big, dear, sweet Willie?’ simpered Virginia. ‘ The moment has already passed!’.
‘ Never fear, my lovely Titts.’ said William.
A fellow gentleman guest looked at him, eyebrows raised.
‘ I’ll thank you not to cast your peepers in such a manner, good sir’ came the bellowed response.
‘ Anyhoo’, he added, turning back to his Titts. ‘ my dear Virginia, you reckon without my scientific brilliance- I have invented the SEX Machine!’ he cried.
‘ So that’s why you insisted on chartering the coach here, you incorrigible show-off!’ she simpered. ‘ You intended to have your way with me…’
‘Perhaps later’ he sniggered to himself. ‘ But once again my sweet, you misunderstand. SEX stands for Space-Time Exploration, and it appears to have brought us into the Renaissance. Observe the rippling chests and heaving bosoms. Now, using the device, which as you pointed out quite rightly resembles a standard stagecoach, I intend to travel back to the moment before that blundering buffoon snatched the good Georgiana, then go forward and in the process stop Piers from slipping his ring onto Marguerite- such business is quite unbecoming of a so-called gentleman. Now, come, Virginia, we must be ready for SEX’…………………’